Self Care After Narcissistic Abuse


As I slowly recover from the wounds of the narcissistic abuse and domestic violence (and I mean SLOWLY), I’ve started to realize how important self care is. If you’re like me, you’re having a hard time jumping back into the life you can hardly remember before the narcissistic abuse or domestic violence took place.

Things, such as going to the gym on a daily basis, come hard for me these days. I used to go every day, sometimes even twice a day, before I suffered the trauma and abuse. But I’m SLOWLY easing back into it. And I’m not going to lie, it’s not making me feel better. Some days I leave the gym feeling worse (please note: the gym is a trigger for me, so that’s why. I’m not discouraging exercise by any means). I’ll be honest, I’ve been coping by drinking way too much alcohol and taking way too much Xanax (it’s prescribed). I’m determined to find at least one self care activity that’ll help with the healing process that can move me away from the alcohol and drug abuse.

Below is a list of self care activities I’ve tried since beginning my healing journey from narcissistic abuse and domestic violence:

  • Starting this blog
  • Journaling
  • Writing letters to my ex (that he’ll never see, but it helps me cope)
  • Slowly easing back into my exercise routine (exercise classes, lifting weights, running, and getting a personal trainer)
  • Drawing
  • Coloring

A lot of things I want to do for self care are triggers for me, such as getting a massage (the last massage I had was a couples massage with my ex while we were on vacation in the Caribbean), or taking a quick getaway trip (the last quick getaway I had was with him). Unfortunately it feels like everything is a trigger.

The Importance of Self Care After Narcissistic Abuse & Domestic Violence

I meet with my domestic violence social worker often to prepare for my ex’s upcoming trial. But we also talk about other things, such as the importance of self care. It’s so important during the healing process to take care of yourself. Most of us, if not all of us, lost our identities due to the narcissistic abuse we endured. We need to relearn how to love ourselves, take care of ourselves, and put ourselves first again. My social worker suggested a self care book, which I contemplated for weeks now, but finally gave in and bought one. I did a lot of research around which book to buy. I know it’s just a book, but I wanted to make sure I found the right one for my situation and personality. I just received it in the mail today and I can’t wait to get started. It’s actually a workbook called, “How to Be Happy (Or at Least Less Sad),” by Lee Crutchley. I’ll keep you posted on how it works for me, but I flipped through it and it looks like this could be the right direction.

What are some of your self care tips after surviving narcissistic abuse and/or domestic violence? I’d love to hear them, as I need some ideas to add to my list. Let me know in the comments.


2 thoughts on “Self Care After Narcissistic Abuse

  1. Thanks for sharing your story!
    I like to share a part of mine. Its been 8 months since I have been dumped like some sort of disease by my ex (in my opinion with NPD, but I am no specialist so what can I say). The new situation is still really hard to cope with, especially since I never have put myself on the first place (I know I should, but I always find a reason why someone else deserves my care more than I do myself…). I am working hard on that, and am trying to change my patterns. A lot of relationships has fallen since I was discarded, due to putting myself on the first place. I already faced lot of pain, loosing the one person I trusted and cared for the most, namely myself. It is hard loosing the significant other on a time I absolutely did not expect (I think they call it the honeymoon phase). And it is even harder to see so many relationships getting destroyed by taking care of yourself. People will hurt you even more. I have lost so many People. I am trusting it will be worth it in the end, even though I dont see it now or havent seen it in the past 8 months. And I hope that some day I will be able to open up again to family and friends I still can turn back to (that for I am gratefull). What I am really hoping, is that there will be a day where I feel secured, trusted, and valued by myself again.


  2. Thank you so much for sharing your story! I always say you don’t need to be a specialist to understand NPD if you’ve lived through the abuse firsthand. I can relate to everything you’re saying and wish I could say it gets easier, but for me it hasn’t just yet. What you said in your comment, “I already faced lot of pain, loosing the one person I trusted and cared for the most, namely myself,” is something I can relate to 100%. Throughout the abuse we really do lose ourselves because we tried so hard to please our partners and forget that we have needs, wants, and desires, too, but aren’t allowed to express those to our partner. Have you heard the song “Miss Me More” by Kelsea Ballerini? The lyrics have been helping me cope a lot throughout this. And to what you said about relationships getting destroyed while taking care of yourself: That is something I can also relate to. It really, really sucks because people who haven’t gone through this don’t understand the trauma or PTSD we’re now living through, and because of that I’ve lost a lot of friends. The only people who show up to support me at court hearings are some of the arresting police officers (I’m so thankful for their support, but I wish I also had friends and/or family there). Keep on fighting, I know there will be a day when we both feel secured, trusted, and valued by ourselves again. It’s just going to take time (at least that’s what I keep telling myself). We’ll come out much stronger in the end. Keep fighting, Warrior 🙂


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